This year gonna be SO SO SO AWESOME!!
I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in mah bones!!! :D Lol

It’s been a helluva long time since I had a positive feeling starting a new year. I’m glad this year I did.

I know it is already the 3^rd week of the New Year. Not so new already blablabla. Don’t care lar.

I just need to put this here to remind myself of my goals. I know some of you say that writing down your resolutions doesn’t work for you as years and years of resolutions left unfulfilled proved that you’re right, then why bother kan? Not making any will save you the trouble of disappointing yourself yet again next year. It’s ok. That’s your choice.

I just don’t want to be that person this year. I wrote down resolutions last year but didn’t really keep serious track of them. By Sept/Oct or so last year, I hated myself. That’s never good.

I want to do it better this year. Also, over the last few years I learnt that it’s important to keep some resolutions, no matter how small, AND KEEP TRACK OF THEM PERIODICALLY.

Because:

#Thinking that you’re not setting yourself up for disappointments by not making resolutions to improve yourself is one way of avoiding responsibilities.

#It’s a sure-fire way to throw yourself into the deep end of denial.

#Not planning anything is the surest way stay at your comfort zone and being the same person that was last year. Don’t we all deserve improvements in our lives?

Another thing that I want to share is that Goals are dreams with a deadline.

That is seriously important!

How many times have we told ourselves, “Ok, I do it tomorrow” and then tomorrow never comes? Then on and on, it’s another new year already. Really sucks. I don’t want it to happen to me again.

This is why that will be one of the MAJORLY IMPORTANT things I’m going to keep reminding myself again and again why I must just do it. Stop thinking too much, stop berating myself too much on the “right” ways to do things, and just fucking do it. GAH!!! **thumps chest**

Indeed, I’m on a slow journey of commitment to myself.

Naïve and previous me used to think “I want to do this and that. I wish I can do it and I wish I know HOW.” I admit that I wasted a lot of time and effort trying to get to the HOW. I couldn’t wrap my head around it ‘coz I’m scared most of the time that I’ll fuck up things.

But I know that I came to terms on that part, more or less…. ‘coz I think back how my life was 5-10yrs ago and how I felt then. Would it be possible to make it even worse than that? I think not.

By focusing too much on how to do things more than just doing it, I managed to fuck some things up, learned so many things (I otherwise wouldn’t) and am still alive to tell the tale. That’s not so bad, ain’t it?

I’m still afraid of changing my status quo too much though. But I will just soldier on. :)

So this year, I will continue to just do it. It’s been a slow time coming. But it’s worth all the heartaches. (I’m also saying this I can’t change the past anyways. Might as well be grateful of all my life experiences, good and bad, that shaped me into what I am now) Sometimes, I do feel the occasional WHY ME syndrome but it’s getting so few and far in between now I no longer pity myself about things that I don’t have control over and things I wished I did differently and things I wished didn’t affect me as much as it did.

Ok. Getting so stupidly long. Here’s my new year resolutions:

1* Run 10km, slowly going towards running a full marathon next time.

I always like running. And running a full marathon one day seems so liberating. And the endorphins, health benefits blablabla. Yep.

I should make more effort at increasing my running stamina and so on.

2* Write more often. I want to be a superlative writer! :D

I didn’t make much time at all the past 2yrs for my writing. I hardly done any. Kinda made me cranky actually.

This year, I want to commit 2hrs each out of 2 days selected from the week (maybe Wednesdays and Fridays) to just write.

It doesn’t matter if it sucks. But I will just write something here. It doesn’t have to be perfect (been quite hard to do, but **I AM** trying hard to ignore my inner crazed OCD cat) AND JUST WRITE.

Better than nothing. My notebooks are filled to the brim with random jots. I should do something about that. Writing this post alone took too much time than necessary. My words and lines are all sporadic. Quite unbecoming of what I think of myself as a writer.

So, yes. More writing! Keeping the momentum constant is always always better than trying to restart a rusty engine.

This shall be the year I get started (and finish!) my first manuscript.

3* Forgive myself more often & give myself a well-deserved break sometimes

One of the things I can’t stand about myself sometimes is this innate need to make things as perfect as possible.

If I can’t have things done perfectly, I rather not do anything at all. Yes, Im the classic example of the feast-or-famine person. I need it to go through “a proper process” before I can go on the next step/stage.

I have always been like that. I can’t apologise for it ‘coz it’s a great quality to have. Especially for wannabe writers. So no, I won’t apologise.

However, I also realised (for a long time now) that this is fatalistic. Coz  if I get stuck at the initial process and can’t get it over and done with, I’m fucked.

That’s why I’m giving myself a break. This doesn’t mean I should/will be lowering my standards. I just want to be more relaxed when I don’t get to do things my way, all those crazy processes I got in my head.

So, I hope that I’ll be less fussy over other things (except my serious writing and how I groom myself). Like, how clean the house *should be* and be all fucked up stressed about it. I will just close one eye about that. Fuck it. I don’t to be so stressed about things like that any more. (unsure)

If you ever came across me complaining about how something “should be” or gave you unsolicited advice on how to do stuf, you’d find me a big pain in the ass too. I understand. You can hate me for that all you want. I don’t really mind.

Most often than not, I’m just curious about why ppl like to do things that way and not this other way. Or have you ever heard of this way..Have you tried that? I’m trying to help by throwing suggestions to fix your problems. (I know I know! I flip to guy mode when people talk about their problems. I shall tell myself to be a girl more often, stfu and just listen!)

I’m only very very curious about why people do certain things.

Asking about it is not me imposing my methodology on you, but just finding out if your way is much better to see if I want to steal and use it. Maybe.

Well, I meant well. That’s all I can say. Heeeeeeeeeeee~

4* Forgive others.

So many people have wronged me one way or another. I did feel quite bitter about some of it because I wanted to hurt them back lots of times. (esply stupid landlords and scum like that)

But I felt even more tired whenever I wanted to do something about it and then didn’t. And get so enraged. Fantasizing about all the horrible things I wished I could do to them didn’t help much. (plus, such a waste of good fantasizing time slots!)

Over the years, I got over that. More so, I felt there’s no need to get back at these mean people if I just focus on all the positive things in my own life. I don’t need to add more negative vibes unto myself by holding on all that. I’m more able to handle that now. The past 2-3yrs esply. That has been a very hot coal to be holding onto.

I already established that these people suck. So I will just cut them out totally. I’m not going to live my life thinking about them, letting them make me feel bad about me and why I can’t make them feel bad too. I don’t want them to waste my time by letting them be in my life even though not physically and suck my happy out of me.

So, shoo! All you negative irritating scums.

All this is much better articulated by my favourite makeup artiste Kandee Johnson in her new year vid. Please take that 5mins to appreciate what she has to say about letting go of all the hurt people caused you. It’s really worth it. NO MORE CYCLE OF PAIN!

Isn’t she extremely happyfying? I love her. :D

5* Not buying the local newspapers, reading less of it

Reading local news make me dulans. Why give myself the high blood pressure, if I can help it? I know keeping myself informed of the current news will give me all the more reasons to vote blablabla. But dude, who doesn’t know that the ruling party suckass since the 8os? I ald made that decision not to vote them back into the Parliament as a 12yo. I don’t need more reasons. So, no. No more reading of news. Grrrrrr…

Furthermore, I rather spend the money on lotto tickets. At the very least, I have some hope of getting something back (however tiny sliver of hope it is). Better than read the news, get dulans and don’t even get anything back except recycling money for Auntie Neighbour. (She won’t be very happy knowing I have no more old newspapers for her to take now :P)

Ok. Maybe I will read only the weekend editions. Simply because I love reading the articles from international journalists etc..That’s only because they are so interesting. (ninja)

So yah, better buy a lotto ticket if you want to win lotto. Do at least that.

I initially wanted to go with 10 items on the list but couldn’t for the life of me think of other things to add now. I should have written down as I thought of anything earlier heh :P

**The following block of text will be just random stuf I want to save for future me to read about Taureans. :P

Taurus Jan 1 2011
Where will you go and what will you do in 2011, Taurus? Will you break old habits that have plagued you and held you back? Will you venture forward into uncharted areas of life that intrigue you? Will you keep promises to yourself about improving your health, your fitness, your self esteem, and your outlook in general? You can do any or all of these things this year. It’s up to you. There are no limitations. And that’s really the only thing you need to remember as you enter this promising new year.
–
Copyright (c) DailyHoroscope.
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Doesn’t sound too great here, but the ones a few days leading to the new year do speak to me currently.

Taurus Dec 31 2010
As we quickly move closer to 2011, think of the coming year as a brand new frontier, Taurus. You have learned your lessons well in 2010, and it is time to put those lessons to work for you as you face a new and exciting horizon. There are fabulous opportunities waiting for you in the form of relationships, money-making possibilities, and career changes. You may even choose to start your own business. Whatever you attempt with a full heart in the months ahead will be met with great success.
–

Taurus Dec 30 2010
You have a special talent that you may not realize is extraordinary, Taurus, and it may improve your fortunes in the year to come. This ability probably feels like second-nature to you, so you may have come to believe that it’s rather ordinary. It would do you good to be a bit more self-perceptive now, so that you can see just how important this gift could be to you. It’s time to put more of your heart and soul into your dreams for the future, and refining this talent could be the key to success.

More super news for Taureans in 2011!!!

Taurus Outlook for 2011

Your legendary tenacity and patience is truly about to pay off in spades this year Taurus. After a long and arduous 12 years, your luck is returning with a fabulous vengeance. Jupiter, the planet of large-scale fortune enters your sturdy stars this June for an extended stint taking you right into 2012 in excellent standing. Never has it felt so easy to let go of comfort zones and move into unknown territory with such confidence and gusto. Even the most cautious and conservative of bulls can easily see that the rewards far outweigh the risk this year. Push the envelope, raise the bar and go for the biggest stakes your loyal heart can fathom.

You’re a florid channel of original ideas this spring when six planets line up in your unconscious sector of dreams and inspiration right around your birthday. Ready yourself for what becomes a turbo-charged imagination to keep you up at night with more genius schemes than there is time to humanly handle. Your brain will feel like a non-stop idea factory that refuses to rest, so you’ll need extra time in nature or at the gym to remain relatively grounded.

Unexpected social encounters and fabulous new friendships flourish throughout the year with special highlights occurring in March and April when Mars powers up your friendship sector. May and June are stellar months for dating and mating with all around good times to be had in general compliments of Venus in Taurus. You’ve got your mind on your money and your money on your mind all summer with Venus and Mars emphasizing your financial sector. Make your money in June and July while the getting is good and save the leisure rewards for August when you can kick back guilt-free.

[source]

Whoa. That’s a really longass post to start the year. Here’s to many many more to come! :D

Happy new year again! It will be great! AWESOMEBBQSOS GREAT!!!!!!